Here I am again, so frustrated and annoyed that I am back in this position again. This time I am 90% blaming the hormones, all the IVF and the estrogen - it has ruined my body. I was doing so well maintaining all my hard work after Rita last year right up until this past Oct when I had my boobs done for the third time - old implants out, smaller ones put in. Long story short it was a botched job and I was left with rocks in socks. Depression big time. I finally had them fixed once and for all at the end of Apr with a wonderful new surgeon and I'm thrilled with the result. Now that my boobs are fantastic again, its back to the rest of my body which is in dire straits. I'm back up to 140.2lbs and so upset about it. I look awful again, puffy, not cute in a bikini, there is a layer of fat around my tummy and my legs look big. I've been working out pretty steadily and eating 80/20 but nothing is happening. I am frustrating the heck out of my friend Meaghan who I train with. She can't understand why I can't just stop eating crap….and I can't understand it either. I went back today and read my blogs from when I was with Rita and when I did the 2 week cleanse and how in those 2 weeks I lost 10lbs - bam….it wasn't easy, there were tears involved and detoxing and frustration but after it was over I was able to maintain that weight, add in more foods and felt great for a good 8 months. So how do I do this again? How do I make myself detox again? Why can't I get the incentive to do this? I am my worst enemy. My goal is to get to 130lbs again and stay there and then have a wee bit of lipo done around my waist and back. I know that if I just do this clean eating thing for the next week 2 weeks - no dairy, sugar, grains, fruit - I can get right back to my weight - now how do I make myself do it?
I'm just venting to myself because at this point I don't plan on sharing my blog - maybe with the Fit Pfile's support group but that is it.
I have all the toosl that anyone could ask for - this amazing chat group at The Fit Pfile's, a trainer that works me really hard, my friend M who also works me and is a great sounding board, pilates reformer once/week…I mean what else can a person ask for - well maybe a personal chef to actually serve me the meals and make sure I only eat good stuff…..lol…
Oh and I pretty much gave up diet pepsi which is huge for me. I don't have it in the house any longer - so its a treat if I go someone and I have one - that happens maybe once/week.
Today I didn't even start the day off right - I had a bowl of Vector which I crave sometimes….a girl can only eat so many omelettes…..gawd……did 30 minute step class and 30 minute glut/ham workout. Lunch was a huge salad with red leaf lettuce, broccoli slaw, peppers, cukes, carrots, sprinkle of olive oil and pear balsamic vinegar….unfortunately there was also a handful of my kids bbq ringolos. I haven't planned the rest of my day yet - the planning will start tomorrow. I'm so sick of my excuses and little cheats here and there which don't seem like much but add up in the big picture.
Maybe by blogging on here I will make myself a bit more accountable.
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